- The husband was telephoning from the pub, "I know I said I'd be home after six, but I haven't finished my fourth yet."
Patient: 'Doctor, if I stop drinking, will I live longer?'
Doctor: 'Probably not, it'll just seem longer.'
-The doctor finished his examination, shook his head with puzzlement and turned to his pacient.
'I can't find anything wrong with you, Mr. Flynn. I can only assume it must be heavy drinking.'
'That's fine, doctor,' said Mr. Flynn cheerfully, 'I'll come back when you're sober.'
- One should never drink on an empty stomach.
Be wise - have a couple of beers first.
'What does your husband do for living?'
'He's a joiner.'
'Oh yes? What does he do?'
'Whenever he sees someone going into a pub he joins them.'